AqualarionStaff Emeritus Young Jedi Master
Joined: 08 Jan 2011 Posts: 1476
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re: Second Star to the Right ((OOC))
by Aqualarion on Jul. 15th, 2013 5:08 am
Just want to start this thread to say great job so far on the story.
Although I'm a little annoyed at Henry that he's not invited Rita on the adventure they clearly BOTH wanted to go on once upon a time. Still, it makes him a believable character... cuz we're kinda dumb like that
You said you were a little insecure about your ability to write a novel. Dont be, this is a great start. They key is to write lots, and learn to not be offended at having to cut/rewrite most of it I'm not an author, but from reading blogs of successful authors this seems to be common place. First draft is shockingly bad. Then the editor makes it good
Only criticism I have of your writing is that first paragraph... on top of the jump from first to third person (which caught me off guard a little ) it doesnt seem to fit at all. Im guessing it will make sense later on?
I look forward to reading more.
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re: Second Star to the Right ((OOC))
by selderane on Jul. 15th, 2013 9:42 am
Yes, the first paragraph will make sense in the end. Though, I ought to have italicized it or something to make it stand out a bit more.
And the intent about not showing Henry explicitly asking Rita about going was to imply through what was shown she simply wasn't interested. In anything.
_________________ | Origin 350r "Daze of Thunder" | RSI Aurora LX "Lazy Sundae" | Anvil F7A Super Hornet "Avenging Fury" | RSI Constellation "Whiskey Danger" | Aegis Retaliator "October Surprise" |
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NexusLukeHonorary Staff Jedi Master
Joined: 13 Jul 2010 Posts: 2629
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re: Re: Second Star to the Right ((OOC))
by NexusLuke on Jul. 21st, 2013 9:14 am
Aqualarion wrote: | Just want to start this thread to say great job so far on the story.
Although I'm a little annoyed at Henry that he's not invited Rita on the adventure they clearly BOTH wanted to go on once upon a time. Still, it makes him a believable character... cuz we're kinda dumb like that
You said you were a little insecure about your ability to write a novel. Dont be, this is a great start. They key is to write lots, and learn to not be offended at having to cut/rewrite most of it I'm not an author, but from reading blogs of successful authors this seems to be common place. First draft is shockingly bad. Then the editor makes it good
Only criticism I have of your writing is that first paragraph... on top of the jump from first to third person (which caught me off guard a little ) it doesnt seem to fit at all. Im guessing it will make sense later on?
I look forward to reading more. |
Yeah, basically what Aqua said. I thought you did a good job so far, and it kept my attention. I was bummed Rita didn't go, because I thought this was going to be a reconciliation story where they rediscovered their lost passion for life and each other on this journey. I am a sucker for that. Maybe there will still be later. We will have to see I guess.
But honestly you did good, that was a good start, and I want to read more subsequent bits.
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re: Second Star to the Right ((OOC))
by The D0CTOR on Jul. 21st, 2013 9:39 am
great job!
_________________
"I got your gun" -James Kirk
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