Deepspace_5
Deepspace Insight
Seeking God's Wisdom
As some of you may know, I'm in the wonderful United States Air Force. But it hasn't really been so wonderful...or has it?
I've been in the service for eight years and have two remaining on my current enlistment. I've had a wonderful career. I've made rank fairly quickly the whole time. I've gotten to see many parts of the world people in the US are only able to see on TV or read about in magazines. I've gotten to be an example to those around me. I've gotten to volunteer for things I may not have known about otherwise. I have access to medical benefits that are pretty amazing. I have job security on my side during a tough economic situation. I've developed character, job skills, leadership skills, and many other attributes that help me to be a better human being. But has the military given me all it can offer? Is this where God wants me to be and am I doing what He wants?
I've had a great career in the Air Force. But at what point is a career worth anything if the entire purpose of it negates logic and goes against God? The Air Force has three core values: Integrity first, service before self, and excellence in all we do. That's well and dandy, as these are attributes 'good' humans could certainly live by, but what happens when the government's intregity has diminished so much to allow things such as repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"? It sickens me to work for an organization that supports this kind of activity and go so far as to even modify their constitution (the UCMJ), to allow such abominations legal. I heavily disagree with them, but yet I still work for them. Also, how 'excellent' can an organization be that can't even get a proper budget down? Should I continue to work for such an organization?
The Lord has also greatly blessed me with promotions in the Air Force. I've recently made E-6 on only my second time testing, surpassing my peers that have been in many more years than I have. This isn't a bad thing by any means, but I'm not all about money. If I was about making more money, I'm not sure I would have joined the military to begin with. Even so, I feel greatly blessed by the Lord, as it was He and He alone that allowed me to make such a difficult rank quickly.
I can almost call myself a world traveler. I've gotten to do my job in Japan, Thailand, Peru, Romania, Iraq, and the states of Texas, Mississippi, New Jersey, and Oklahoma. Most people never get to leave the United States, and some may never even leave their state. Life is rough for many people, and not everyone can say they've gotten to travel around. Seeing these places has been quite the experience, but at what cost? My commander, before this trip to Romania, said that he hopes I'd enjoy my good 'vacation'. My wife was standing there with me when he said that and we both became pretty angry. The majority of people I encounter in the military enjoy their times away from their families. They love to 'get away' from the stresses of their wives, or their kids, or their parental responsibilities. Sure, after a few months away, they want to get back home. But family doesn't mean the same to them as it does to me.
So far I've been willing to leave my wife behind to accomplish the mission, because it's my job. I'm putting service before self. I guess it's selfish of me to want to be with my wife and take care of her when she's sick and unable to do so her self. Sure, the job is getting done, but at a very steep price. A price which can't be made up by some 'extra pay' while I'm gone. I guess it's not such a big deal for those that don't like their families, but to me, this is huge. Does God want me to be away from my family for 4-6 months at a time? Does he want me to be out there with those people that don't love their families so that I can somehow show them that they need to change? Do I need to be out there to help those other people that DO love their families get through the hard times? I just don't know. But I'm praying.
I prayed a few weeks ago that God will show me what to do. I prayed even more specifically that if I got treated poorly over the next two years that I'd take it as a sign to get out of the military when my enlistment was up. God didn't wait to respond. He seems to be answering my prayer more immediately and then some.
I was scheduled to be home tonight, but the other day when we were about to leave, we got told we were delayed two days. Delays are normal for military travel, but we had confirmed the flight was good to go a few hours before we got the bad news. God does answer prayer. I was already feeling like I've been treated poorly. They are extremely accurate and on time when it comes to getting you down range, but heading home? I don't think so. I told my wife, who is still extremely sick, about the delay. Neither of us were happy, to say the least, but then reality settled in, and we were content with it. Well, as content as a person could be who is away from their sick spouse. I wasn't suffering nearly as much as my wife, but it wasn't over.
This morning I got word that we had been delayed an additional three days from getting home. Now I really feel really terrible. This is almost a definite sign to me that I need to get out. Again, I had to muster up the courage to tell my wife plainly that I was delayed even longer. It isn't just me that's suffering, it's my family. I'm not even doing my job any more (service before self), and I still can't get home to my family. I feel terrible for not being able to take care of my wife, and even worse for staying in a job that doesn't allow me to do so. Doctors and insurance agents continue to turn their back on her while I can't do anything from here to help her out...I'd say we are being treated poorly.
I'm not a mathmagician, but things seem to be adding up. And while all of these numbers are negative, there are still positives of me staying in. I could sit here all day and analyze each and every little detail of what's 'good' and what's 'bad', but what does God want me to do? Where does God want me to be? I told him that if I'm treated poorly I'm going to get out, and it just feels to me like that's a clear indication to do so. I'll continue to pray and seek His wisdom, and not man's.
God answeres prayer. He provides. He's completely amazing. My job allows me to have incredible medical insurance for my wife. It's allowed me to do the many cool things I listed above, as well as develop many skills and traits. It also even allowed me to meet my wife! So, I'm not ashamed of the service I have done. I don't regret any of it. But should I still stay in, knowing how much pain it will inflict on myself, my wife, and my future children? Do we need to take this beating in order for me to maintain job security, good insurance, and a 'good career'?
I love and hate the Air Force, just as Gollum loves and hates himself. I need your wisdom, Lord!
In addition, I'm extremely thankful for those that are out there on the front lines (and even in the background) getting the job done in the US military. They are extremely important and much appreciated. Most of them are in worse situations than myself. I've seen all too often military people get treated like dirt. My prayers for your safety. I also want to give a shout out to Law Enforcement Officers and Fire Fighters out there who put their lives on the line every single day.
by Deepspace_5 on 2011-07-26 10:51:12