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Ramlatus
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re: Looking for tips on making friends

I am looking for tips on how to make friends. I have difficulty connecting with people and making friends. I really want to have friends and do things with people. So...

How do you make friends?

How do you connect with people?

How do you find good people to be friends with?

Notes: I work evening 3 pm to 11 pm usually. I do not have a church home even after years of searching. I crave social interaction but find social gatherings stressful as well. That means that too many people or too chaotic of a situation put me on the defensive. I expect to be attacked socially, morally, or rarely physically.

Thoughts?
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re: Looking for tips on making friends

"He that hath friends must show himself friendly"

That's the whole key right there, just be friendly to others


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re: Looking for tips on making friends

You have to make the effort and the time. Don't expect people to flock to you if you don't. You have to get out there and mix. Find common interests for the ice breaker(s) and be yourself.


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Best Hero-Villain Dialoge Ever! LOL

 

Megamind: [from projector] Over here, old friend! In case you've noticed, you've fallen right into my trap!

Metro Man: You can't trap justice. It's an idea, a BELIEF!

Megamind: Even the most heartfelt belief can get corroded over time!

Metro Man: Justice is a non-corrosive metal!

Megamind: But metals can be melted by the heat of revanchge!

Metro Man: It's REVENGE, and it's best served cold!

Megamind: But it can easily be reheated, in the microwave of evil!

Metro Man: Well I think your warranty's is about to expire!

Megamind: Maybe I got an extended warranty!

Metro Man: Warranties are invalid, if used beyond their intended purpose!

 

 
Ladialyse
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re: Looking for tips on making friends

Hi Ramlatus, I can totally relate. My husband and I find it difficult to make friends also. You need to find some kind of group that likes the same things that you do. Our advantage is we are retired and live in a retirement community so we can attend potlucks and game night etc. There is an online site here in the phx area called meetup.com. Maybe there is something similar where you live. They list groups by interest that like to meet and you can try different groups that way. Like they have a group of artists that enjoy painting in the AM, so I, being an artist might enjoy meeting with that group. Also, you might just pray for God to bring a special friend or friends. He's good at that. I'll pray for you. Happy


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re: Re: Looking for tips on making friends

Ramlatus wrote:
I am looking for tips on how to make friends. I have difficulty connecting with people and making friends. I really want to have friends and do things with people. So...


This difficulty will diminish with time and effort. Most people aren't born communicating properly and will find human interaction difficult. Get out there, put yourself in uncomfortable situations and learn.

Ramlatus wrote:
How do you make friends?


That's a good question and there are no easy answers. First, define what a friend is. Most of my "friends" are aquaintances which is defined as someone I know, communicate with and sometime share some time with. I have one true friend and that is my wife.

To make a friend, you must make yourself available to people. i.e. go to church, public activities, etc. You must force yourself to be outgoing even when you are not. Give of yourself (time, attention, etc) even when you get nothing in return. Most people will take and give nothing back. Roll with that. When you find someone who gives back (calls you to go do something, etc.) then you might have someone who you can develop a relationship with.

For example, I reached out and connected to Crackjaw when I was in Dallas. It was uncomfortable for me to do this but important to attempt that friendship. He is definitely someone I can develop a friendly relationship with but it will take time and effort especially since we live over 2 hours apart.

Ramlatus wrote:
How do you connect with people?


Have you ever been fishing? You go where the fish are with something they want (bait), spend time casting your lure into the water and wait. The concept is the same with people. Go where they are and spend time casting yourself as bait. Believe it or not, there are other people out there who are doing the same thing: looking for friends. Interestingly enough, this is how you find women friends and go on dates which can eventually lead to marriage. Keep in mind that most of the people you bring in on your lure will be undesireable. Practice catch and release and remember to not get discouraged.

Ramlatus wrote:
How do you find good people to be friends with?


To find good people, you must go where good people are. I would suggest church and church functions.

Ramlatus wrote:
Notes: I work evening 3 pm to 11 pm usually. I do not have a church home even after years of searching. I crave social interaction but find social gatherings stressful as well. That means that too many people or too chaotic of a situation put me on the defensive. I expect to be attacked socially, morally, or rarely physically.

Thoughts?


You need to get over being defensive. In order to be sociable and liked, you have to be willing to get hurt and not hold a grudge. People are not perfect. They can be cruel and difficult. Going into these situations with this fact in mind will help. Ask yourself if it is worth the effort and the pain?

In order to grow muscles, you must stress the body. This works exactly the same way for social skills. In order to get better, you must throw yourself into social gatherings and sink or swim. If chaotic situations bother you, then overwhelm yourself with those environments. Get used to them.

As far as churces homes go, just pick one and go. None of them will be perfect.


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Ramlatus
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re: Re: Looking for tips on making friends

NYG wrote:
You have to make the effort and the time. Don't expect people to flock to you if you don't. You have to get out there and mix. Find common interests for the ice breaker(s) and be yourself.


Being myself tends to be no personality. In an uncertain situation, I tend to shut down all emotions and convert to analytical mode. Analyzing the situation for potential threats and learning as much as I can.

Intrepid Corsair wrote:
To find good people, you must go where good people are. I would suggest church and church functions.


Unfortunately, I have a hard time finding good people in church. certainly higher percentage than not in church, but I have been attacked socially in church more often than out of it. I find I trust Christians only slightly more than non-Christians. Speaking as a Christian that makes me very sad.
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re: Re: Looking for tips on making friends

[quote="Ramlatus"]
NYG wrote:
You have to make the effort and the time. Don't expect people to flock to you if you don't. You have to get out there and mix. Find common interests for the ice breaker(s) and be yourself.


Being myself tends to be no personality. In an uncertain situation, I tend to shut down all emotions and convert to analytical mode. Analyzing the situation for potential threats and learning as much as I can.

Intrepid Corsair wrote:
To find good people, you must go where good people are. I would suggest church and church functions.


Easiest way to meet people ~ Get a girlfriend. Women tend to know "everyone". You will meet more people through someone you date than you probably will on your own in your lifetime! It is why I am single today. I met my fill. Enjoying time not knowing anyone! lol

;p


_________________
Best Hero-Villain Dialoge Ever! LOL

 

Megamind: [from projector] Over here, old friend! In case you've noticed, you've fallen right into my trap!

Metro Man: You can't trap justice. It's an idea, a BELIEF!

Megamind: Even the most heartfelt belief can get corroded over time!

Metro Man: Justice is a non-corrosive metal!

Megamind: But metals can be melted by the heat of revanchge!

Metro Man: It's REVENGE, and it's best served cold!

Megamind: But it can easily be reheated, in the microwave of evil!

Metro Man: Well I think your warranty's is about to expire!

Megamind: Maybe I got an extended warranty!

Metro Man: Warranties are invalid, if used beyond their intended purpose!

 

 
Ramlatus
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re: Looking for tips on making friends

I find that there are no good eligible women left. All the nice women I meet are spoken for and i don't mess with women in a relationship.
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re: Looking for tips on making friends

Ramlatus wrote:
I find that there are no good eligible women left. All the nice women I meet are spoken for and i don't mess with women in a relationship.


You are approaching this from a glass half empty standpoint. Success begins with your attitude.

Get your facts straight: For every 88 single men there are 100 single women.


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re: Looking for tips on making friends

Intrepid Corsair wrote:
Ramlatus wrote:
I find that there are no good eligible women left. All the nice women I meet are spoken for and i don't mess with women in a relationship.


You are approaching this from a glass half empty standpoint. Success begins with your attitude.

Get your facts straight: For every 88 single men there are 100 single women.


Definitely.

I kid you not, you may have to work at it. Go to a church group to meet people and through them, you will meet single women. But if your goal is friends and not a girlfriend, this will still work equally well.


_________________
Best Hero-Villain Dialoge Ever! LOL

 

Megamind: [from projector] Over here, old friend! In case you've noticed, you've fallen right into my trap!

Metro Man: You can't trap justice. It's an idea, a BELIEF!

Megamind: Even the most heartfelt belief can get corroded over time!

Metro Man: Justice is a non-corrosive metal!

Megamind: But metals can be melted by the heat of revanchge!

Metro Man: It's REVENGE, and it's best served cold!

Megamind: But it can easily be reheated, in the microwave of evil!

Metro Man: Well I think your warranty's is about to expire!

Megamind: Maybe I got an extended warranty!

Metro Man: Warranties are invalid, if used beyond their intended purpose!

 

 
Ramlatus
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re: Looking for tips on making friends

Intrepid Corsair wrote:
Ramlatus wrote:
I find that there are no good eligible women left. All the nice women I meet are spoken for and i don't mess with women in a relationship.


You are approaching this from a glass half empty standpoint. Success begins with your attitude.

Get your facts straight: For every 88 single men there are 100 single women.


The number of single women is not the same as the number of eligible women. Less than 1% of single women are good women. My primary criteria for whether a woman is ELIGIBLE is:

She has to be a good role model for children.

This is regardless of if she has children or we would ever have children of our own or not. The one friend I do have reworded that statement like this:

A woman who is honest, having strong moral principles, who is not afraid to be unique, who shows respect and concern for others, who has humility and willingness to admit mistakes; and who is a well-rounded individual. If I had to say it in one sentence I would say “Someone that would be a good role model for children” whether I ever have any or not.


In my experience, most people men or women can't be trusted with anything of value or importance. If they can get away with it then it is okay, regardless of what is right or wrong.

I know that that sounds pessimistic. It is the reality that I see every day.
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re: Looking for tips on making friends

Nope, it doesn't sound pessimistic at all. The sad fact is, it's the full truth. We are in a day and age where righteousness is called evil and evil, righteousness.

The best thing you could do in the case of searching for a girlfriend, is don't. Wait for God's timing and He will bring whatever woman he has for you, right to you. Happy

As to the friend thing, I honestly can't give advice that works better than what other people have said previously on here. Just be yourself, make sure to stand firm in what God says and don't let people push you to do anything, don't act like everyone you meet hides their true self or some awful secret (Not saying you do any of these things c: ), don't be afraid to say something because it might sound stupid (which sort of goes along with the act like yourself) don't just stay around a group of people in a conversation...actually join in and last but not least, don't be afraid to go up to people you don't know and introduce yourself to them. Happy
That's all I can think of aside from what everyone else has said. I hope all goes well for you...I'll pray for you to find true friends...they are a rare occurrence.


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re: Looking for tips on making friends

Mellon Blappie wrote:
Nope, it doesn't sound pessimistic at all. The sad fact is, it's the full truth. We are in a day and age where righteousness is called evil and evil, righteousness.

The best thing you could do in the case of searching for a girlfriend, is don't. Wait for God's timing and He will bring whatever woman he has for you, right to you. Happy

As to the friend thing, I honestly can't give advice that works better than what other people have said previously on here. Just be yourself, make sure to stand firm in what God says and don't let people push you to do anything, don't act like everyone you meet hides their true self or some awful secret (Not saying you do any of these things c: ), don't be afraid to say something because it might sound stupid (which sort of goes along with the act like yourself) don't just stay around a group of people in a conversation...actually join in and last but not least, don't be afraid to go up to people you don't know and introduce yourself to them. Happy
That's all I can think of aside from what everyone else has said. I hope all goes well for you...I'll pray for you to find true friends...they are a rare occurrence.


I agree with all that has been said. envy The good news is, you can be sure to find good friends here on S3G! And if you ever need a gaming buddy, give me a shout! I'm on Steam and Discord if you need anything! wink


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